Why It’s Time To Put Yourself First

I’ve been battling to write this post for nearly a week – why? It concentrates on selfishness, whereas I am normally one to frown upon that, because I encourage selflessness; to be kind, caring and to help other people. Until it happens when the tables are turned.

Recently I have been so focused on everyone around me, except myself. By keeping friends and family happy; trying to keep friendships together that I soon realized have long been broken.

Who is really to blame though? We cannot blame the other parties for watering their grass while you helped them to keep it green – of course they are going to be focused on their own grass rather than yours. I did some research and something stuck out to me; perhaps the reason (a part of being selfless) of helping and caring so much about people, it could be in any aspect of life: love, money, career, friendships etc; is because you haven’t achieved what you have yet yearned to achieve in your life, so you shift the focus onto other peoples’ lives, instead of your own? It makes sense, right? Perhaps that is what I was doing – I focused on everybody else so I didn’t have to worry about myself.

So, after taking a good look around, and you try to see what you have gained from it – what do you actually have to show for it? Yes, sure the act of kindness and love will forever be in your favour, because that is who you are.

Where do you draw the line between selfishness and selflessness? You have mastered the art of selflessness, only by adding selfishness, will you be able to distinguish a balance.

“Selfishness is being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others”

Perhaps in this matter, by putting yourself first it can mean in cases like:

Don’t feel obligated to go out partying with your friends:

If your friends invite you out and you have other tasks to focus on – you should not feel obligated to go out with them, but you should feel obligated to finish any necessary tasks so that you can start reaching your goals. Because let’s face it, by saying: “I will do it tomorrow”, you are not going to do it tomorrow – instead you are going to waste 90% of your day, dying of a hangover. I don’t know, this is just my experience talking. There will be plenty other nights you can go out with them again.

Cut the cords on some friendships:

Sometimes by holding on to friendships can be exhausting and waste a lot of time. Even if nothing necessarily bad happened in the friendship, life happens and people change. Chances are you both are two completely different people – cut the cord and let it go. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can use your energy to focus on your friends that are still there for you.

Learn to say no:

Sometimes the best way to establish what it is you want in life is to bluntly (but politely) say no. I revert back to point 1; if you don’t want to go out, because you are simply not in the mood, don’t. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone you kind of don’t like, but you feel bad, honey, don’t. You will save you both the trip and unnecessary emotions. If you don’t want to go out of your way for someone, because you just don’t feel like it, don’t. (We all get shitty days – so have your shitty day). Basically anything you feel uncomfortable with, you do not have to do. You have grown into a person with your own mind and voice – learn to use it, because truth is; everybody else does it, so you sure as hell can too.

Stop explaining yourself:

I decided to section this one off from the previous point – because when in the world did we have to start explaining ourselves? Why do we need to explain to people why we can’t give/lend them money, when it is your hard-earned cash you busted your butt off to get at the end of the month? (I am not referring to those in need) Why do we need to explain why we won’t be able to attend a certain event? Why do you need to explain yourself every time you say no? No one really gives a damn on your reason when you say yes?

Start to realize that you deserve to be better:

How can you be better, when you are going to be selfish? Here’s the thing, the world doesn’t care about your insecurities and strangely enough, no one else does either. So you need to focus on what goes on in your life and stop worrying what everybody else does.

Thus; by being selfish and starting to better yourself – you will have more courage and confidence in facing the world. You will know who you are and what it is you want. Sooner or later people will start looking over to your fence seeing your grass getting greener – or perhaps they won’t, but you wouldn’t care – ‘cause you got you, babe.

 

“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind, go find yourself, the world is yours.”

 

(Now; let me practice what I am preaching.)

Till next time, Tasia

xoxo

Advertisements

How to land the most beautiful woman in the world award

(Image credit: www.laineygossip.com)

Is it your devilishly great looks – you know, the perfectly pouted lips and bodacious curves; the daunting kissable lips, filled with collagen surprise–or is it that perfectly bleached Colgate smile? Ladies, I have just recently learnt that there is still some sort of natural beauty beliefs in this world and landing that envious award does not in fact mean we as woman have to look the part but in fact empower the part.

After researching a few topics to write about, I came across this huge debate of Jennifer Aniston and her 2nd time nomination of being the world’s most beautiful woman in People magazine’s opinion and found many to disagree with their choice. Seriously, I have admired Jennifer Aniston since the day I realised heartbreak was a thing and a night of unrealistic romance movies with a tub of ice cream and jar of peanut butter would fix that disaster right up. I shook my head in disbelief that feminists would pick out all her flaws to find reason as to why People Magazine may have made a mistake in choice, whilst others maintained a good debate as to why she was perfectly suited.

As quoted from The Federalist, by Carol Van Meter-McDougal “Jennifer Aniston is the most beautiful woman we could look like without losing ourselves” ; she goes on to explain that there are two types of ‘pretty’ in this world, “Guy-Pretty ” and “Girl-Pretty”, which in her observational humor, made perfectly good sense.

  • Guy-pretty women, are the kind of women whom men want to be with, and are therefore women who bear traits that men find exemplary in women, traits that are generally associated with sexuality—pouty lips, a curvy figure, and a general “come hither” look, or at least a look that doesn’t scream “I smell like cats.”
  • Girl-pretty women, on the other hand, are the kind of women that other women want to be like, and are therefore women bearing traits that we ladies find exemplary in ourselves, traits like a fit but not surgically enhanced body, eyes that say “confident but not arrogant,” and a general aura of “flirty but not skanky.”

I’m going to be honest and admit that the above mentioned is a little vague and judgemental; don’t get me wrong- I love big lips and busty curves, I mean Sofia Vergara would definitely be my 2nd idol as the most beautiful, but when its boiled down to whom would help woman of the world feel like they can relate and look up to these stars. I’d say that Jennifer Aniston definitely takes the “Cake” (no pun intended), she’s not only beautiful when it comes to her looks: such as her eyes, her sun kissed skin and perfectly maintained hair, which has most of us wishing she’d shave it off and share those iconic locks with us. She has the most inspiring way of presenting herself and her views which makes it comforting for us ‘Plain Janes’ to know that we don’t have to be surgically modified to be noticed.

Conclusion –if they had to nominate Sofia Vergara as the most beautiful woman of the world there would be an outcry from feminist all over because we just simply cannot be that perfect. Imagine the insecurities and pin pointers then?

Tip to achieving this award –be your own beautiful woman of your world. Be you’re your own inspiration and keep in mind that there are admirers everywhere.

Sincerely, Nicole

Queue the awkward silence – or don’t.

(Image Cred: WeHeartIt)

I don’t know if anyone has noticed – but are people still having real ‘getting to know each other conversations’?

I don’t know – sometimes when I meet people it is the most awkward thing (because I am an introvert and yes, I am one of the most awkward people you’ll ever meet). Every time it’s the same thing over and over and I think with that I have become so used to it- I know what the person is going to ask and quite frankly I don’t want to tell him/her for the millionth time about my job and whether I enjoy it or not – because quite frankly not everybody really cares.

It has become such a force of habit when meeting people, the first two questions are: ‘What’s your name’ and ‘What do you do for a living’, people have lost interest in really listening. They then switch on talking about themselves and as soon as there is no resonation either one of the two awkwardly walks away. (Yes that would be me awkwardly sipping on my drink as I walk away.)

Look, I am not saying everybody is like that – and I realize I might be at fault too. Why don’t I make more effort in the conversation? But really – what do you talk about when you’re stuck in a dead-end job and kind of feel like you’re not as interesting as you really are; no one is interested in that.

I decided to write this post and suggest ideas for topics and ways for a conversation to not be as dreadful. I did research on this don’t worry:

4 Ideas to Make a Conversation Not-So Dreadful:

Listen:

Listening is key to any form of communication you encounter. People have become so focused on what they are going to say next that they forget to listen. When you listen, your reply will come naturally and the conversation will flow easily.

Body Language:

It is important to note the body language of the person you are talking to. When you are talking about something and the other person looks uncomfortable, chances are, they are. So try and swiftly change the convo.

Ask meaningful questions:

I am not saying you must share your previous relationship details with the person you’ve just met, but ask questions that you are really interested in knowing. Previous experiences, music taste, interests, goals and dreams. Lately people have become more comfortable about talking about their previous relationships – so if the convo leads to that and you both feel comfortable enough on sharing, why the hell not?

Be Positive:

If you are friendly and have a positive vibe about you, people will more likely be able to approach and talk you.

Topics to talk about:

Here are a few topics to talk about, other than the weather:

Current events: What new movies, albums and books are being released? What band will be performing live? So you can learn whether you have equal interests.

Views/Religion: I suggest keep religion to a minimum as most discussions on that can become heated. Perhaps informing the other person about your religion and Vice Versa will be enough until time progresses. Views on the other hand are interesting features which make you unique. It’ll give a better understanding of each other, to each other.

Love: It might be a sensitive topic, but it is always interesting to find out if a person is a hopeless romantic or a cynic. The reasons behind each choice might be surprising.

Friends: Perhaps you have few mutual friends, which means you will probably meet up again soon.

I am sure when the conversation is flowing, everything will fall together. Remember to ask for a number to stay in touch.

Look, I am also not implying that if you are out in the club you must throw out all the deep shit. Let’s be honest, guys and girls are there to party, drink and have a good time; then you will get the 2% who are out looking for a suitable partner in the club. You don’t need these tips when you are intoxicated, the alcohol does the talking for you. (We’ve all been there). So, if you are like me, awkward and sort of an introvert – please don’t turn to alcohol for your better judgement. Thus the reason I wrote this post – so you can face the situation head-on.

You’ve got this. (I’ll try it too)

Love,
Tasia

 

Mercedes Benz Fashion Week 2016 – Day 3

 As a lover of everything fashion, I was lucky enough to attend the iconic well known Mercedes-Benz fashion week thanks to a friend that happened to have a spare ticket to give away- and from a fashionista’s point of view, it’s an offer we cannot afford to turn down.

Surrounded by iconic people and their need for trendsetting, it wasn’t the glitz and glamour that stood out to me, but in fact the complete opposite. It was the freedom of expression that these fashion shows allow one to express through mere material and designs. The different types of personalities or alter egos, if you will- are what make these fashion shows an unforgettable experience.

Below are some of my favourite pieces that I took out of the 3rd show:

GRAPEVINE:

1 2

The Fabulous Grapevine, definitely holds there motto up high when it comes to keeping their designs timeless and sophisticated. As a small town girl myself, I was definitely feeling their urban big city girl realm in every piece that walked down that runway. As seen above, the Classy Burgundy Dress sweeps nothing but flawless off the tip of this beautiful model’s shoulder, whom definitely strutted her stuff down the runway.

3 4

Our next two models definitely swept the crowd practically off their feet. Who would have thought this type of pattern would actually be so flattering to one’s body. From ‘Classy Chic’ to ‘Dazzling Diva’ these designs were definitely ones for the books.

 Khomotjo Malatji, we’re just as proud of you and your work as baby is.

5

 

LEIGH SHUBERT:

:7 6

Feeling all contemporary vibes, Leigh Schubert definitely gave us a taste of real Urban Chic. I personally loved the hints of electric blue and luminous yellow as well as the patterns that she had incorporated into each individual garment. These lovely ladies looked absolutely comfortable yet classy, who knew being laid back could look so elegant?

8 9

 

These two pieces were definitely my favourite out of the Leigh Schubert collection. Their figure form and drape -look definitely gives one the sense of comfort yet smart and sexy feel- pair it with a good pair of block sandal heels and your definitely in for an elegant night .

As Leigh Schubert said in an interview with AFI TV on her collection: “I took a journey into the launch of my brand so there’s a bit of African in it , a bit of me and a bit of adventure in it “.

Cheers, Schubert! You definitely made our future more adventurous; much brighter than expected!

10

CARDUCCI:

11 12

Have no fear for Carducci is near; Damsels in Distress, your rescue is definitely looking extremely tailor made and by that we mean, well suited up and ready for the taking. We loved the navy blue and light shade of mustard / brown paired with a patterned scarf as well as the model carrying out the look, hash tag absolutely gorgeous!!!

13 14

Whilst attempting to contain myself, I noticed that the beard trend is definitely bigger than we thought. As Carducci mentioned: “It’s for the gentlemen that love the finer things in life, because it’s all about fine tailoring .“ This casual wear spoke for itself and we’re excited for these finer things mentioned, aren’t we ladies?

15

So to conclude my fabulous night out in the beautful city of Johannesburg, Id like to give a big thanks to my friend who gave me the opportunity to attend my first fashion show event. There will sure be more to come and more articles regarding them to follow.

Love ,
Nicole

(Image Credit: The Sunday Times)

 

It’s Official!

(Image Credit: WeHeartIt)

After a long time of talking, debating and deciding whether we should start a blog together- we have finally decided to take the leap; we officially decided to embark on this journey of blogging.

From Tasia:

Let’s be honest, having a blog isn’t easy; it isn’t easy to find the time to write, to find topics to write about, nor find the audience you are looking for. For those who know me, they know I have a passion for writing, social media and beauty; in this whirlwind called life, it is difficult to maintain your dreams while you have to survive adulthood. I started a blog a few years ago, posted every now and then when I found inspiration, but more often than not became less than likely for me to post. I then found my beautiful friend who also has big dreams, whom also gets stuck in reality like the majority of us dreamers do.

From Nicole:

After meeting my wonderlust friend, it dawned on me that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously- it should be enjoyed and embraced with everything that you have available to you . I started a blog called “Chasing Dandelions” which represented everything life and chasing dreams but sadly I got cold feet and terminated the account. For those of you who know me, know that I am a huge lover of fashion and outdoor wonders. I love the way one can express their individualism through what they wear and have the confidence in being that person and as for the outdoors, you’re never short of inspiration and pure fun.

From Us:

We are starting this blog with the goal of showing readers that you can be two different people, but chase the same dream. Obviously you can tell than our writing styles differ, which we think will bring a form of unique qualities to our blog.

There is still a lot of unfinished tasks to our blog, but we knew if we didn’t start is now, we probably might never have started. Slowly but surely we are going to improve the blog as time goes on. We just ask for your support throughout our journey, as that will mean a great deal to us.

We will keep you posted.

Love,

Nicole & Tasia xoxo

New Year, New Beginnings – Hello 2016!

I bet it might be a tad too late to post a New Year’s post, but I would like to share my thoughts in anyway.

Let me just get this straight- this isn’t a ‘New Year, New Me’ post.

I don’t know about you, but 2015 was by far the worst year I have had and I couldn’t wait to get it over and done with. It was kind of starting your new diet or exercise, but you had to wait to do it on Monday morning… Except this is a start of a new year, a start to a new journey. You know what I mean?

I am not really big on resolutions- they have become a very faint to me. Half of the people make resolutions for the new year, but struggle to pursue it and they don’t really care whether they do or not, because 90% of the people who do make resolutions don’t really follow through with it and everyone knows that; perhaps it is some form of closure for not accomplishing what they wanted to in the first place. (I know I am guilty for this in the past).

Then you get the other half who chooses (and I quote) to be “The same asshole they were on December 2015 11:59pm)”. Which is great-for them. (*thumbs up*)

I am not planning on creating a ‘new me’, but rather better version of me; to start being the person I want to be. I’ve learned that when I say what I want to do and -achieve, my actions tend to fail at showing it. So all I am going to say is, this is the year I am going to get sh*t done, but at my own pace.  Otherwise, my lips are sealed.

I want to encourage everyone to start doing little things every day that will benefit your future. Believe in the beauty of your dreams and have the courage to pursue it. Go at your own pace, focus on your own ball and remember to be kind; everyone is going through their own battles- if not the same as you are.

Be who you want to be, because somewhere deep inside of you, you already are that person. You just have to allow yourself to be it.

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back; a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” – Anaïs Nin

Stay inspired,

Tasia xo

How to: Stay Motivated

In order to follow your dreams and reaching your goals, it is utmost important to stay motivated. Easier said than done, right? I have had countless situations of where I had so much ambition of achieving something, but as always, procrastination got the best of me; from learning Spanish to playing the guitar- I have only learned the basics of Spanish and ‘Hablo muy poco Espanol’ (which means, I speak very little Spanish and for the guitar… well, I think I managed to play an intro of a Linkin Park song.

I have realized a lot of us, tend to start something, but never finish it. You join the gym, but never go; you start creating something and yet again, you don’t finish- the list goes on and on. So, I decided to make a list of how to stay motivated, in order to get shit, actually done.

Write it down:

Yes, I know. You have heard a million times, but it is because it actually works. Seriously, categorize your goals and dreams according to your life, work, social and training. It is important to find a balance in your life to enjoy it to the full. Whether it is a promotion at work, that dream house, being invited to that exclusive party or reaching your goal weight you are aiming for- write it down and then write down your steps on how you are going to achieve it. Tackle one task at a time, don’t start with a lot at once as you will get demotivated because you feel too much pressure. Baby steps.

Steer away from negative people/ thoughts:

Surround yourself with optimistic and driven people that want to get stuff done, their positive energy will soon rub off on you.

Always stay positive and encourage yourself. If you want people to believe in you, you will have believe in yourself first. Another way of getting rid of negative thoughts is to (yes, again) write it down and throw it or burn it, whatever you like; research has shown negative thoughts written on paper can be seen as objects and if you throw it out, you get rid of the negativity.

Motivate Others:

Encourage others to follow their dreams and reach their goals as well- encouragement goes a long way. You don’t always have to be the encourager, but they can be motivated from your actions. This can also be a way to ensure you do what you set out to do for a day, because you know that what you are busy doing is inspiring others. Inspiration often lies within us.

List your accomplishments:

It is important that you keep track of what you have achieved, so that you can look back on it and realize how far you have actually come and why you should not give up.

Stay True:

Often, after many accomplishments people lose sight and forget the reason why they are actually doing what they are doing. Always stay your true self and morals. Don’t do anything that could deprive you from your standards in order to get what you want- if that is the case, maybe it isn’t meant for you.

What It Is Really Like After School

Remember being a youngster and all the adults would talk about how their friendships had faded away and nothing works out the way you plan, and you are just sitting there thinking : “Ugh, that would never happen to my friends and I. Besides, what do they know? They don’t know what we are going through.” Truth is, the older you get- or let me rephrase that, the more you mature, you realize how more often than not your parents and every adult who has ever given you advice, is in actual fact correct.

Honestly, I was terrified of leaving school, and my only advice for any student is to enjoy and appreciate it ;and for heaven’s sake, don’t ask why- and just do it.

You might think you have all your plans figured out, and heck you might be lucky enough to have it figured it, but there is one, very important thing you haven’t figured out and quite frankly no one has: Life. In order to get ahead in life, you have to be prepared for how unprecedented life can be and be willing to go with it. Your plans might not work out the way you had hoped, but there is always a reason for why things turn out the way they do. No human being is ever prepared for what life throws at them, but you should have one important weapon to throw back: Faith.

Look, I had it all figured out (or at least I thought I did). I would have been studying media journalism and be interning at a magazine in Cape Town. Did it happen? No. I am currently working a full time job, trying to balance a social- and work life and trying to follow my dreams by doing an online course I had won thanks to Cultnoise Online Magazine. And let me tell you, it’s hard, really hard. In order to stay focused, motivated and inspired is another job all on its own.

I might not be fortunate enough to have gone to University, but I am grateful for where life has planted me to bloom. It might be tougher than I had expected, but it only makes me stronger and my dreams are the only things that keep me going, which make me realize how important dreams are.

Life will throw curve balls in your life: you might end up doing what you never had thought of and your best friend might just not be your best friends anymore. But that’s why you should keep on dreaming, aspiring and inspiring, so new people will come into your life, and make you realize as to why it had never worked with the people from your past.

Never lose faith, hope and your dreams- even if life throws you in a new chapter of your life.

You’ll be okay.

How to: Move On

The saddest, or shall I rather say most painful thing I have recently experienced, is pretending not to care about someone, because sadly enough, whether you show it or not, the other person clearly doesn’t give a shit. It was quite astonishing to me, to realize how much a person actually can care and then again how little they actually can too. I am sure every-single-one-of-you have dealt with-or are dealing with it and I am sure you can agree- it hurts like a b*tch. Please note present tense, because fortunately for us, we actually do give a shit – to put it plain and simple.

Yet, your lives, thoughts and imaginations cannot keep on revolving around these people who hardly give a shit about you. So, using my favorite quote:

“In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it.” – Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven

In 3 small (yet huge) steps, to give some clarification on how to move the hell on:

Step 1: Understand

You need to understand as to why you are feeling what you do, besides the fact that you care, you need to understand why life has thrown this fork in your road – which means that you should not turn around and go back to the past, but to overcome the obstacle which will only make you stronger and wiser. So, in your future relationship, you will know what to look out for and what not, what you need and what you don’t. It’s simply a learning curve that came your way and broke your little heart. But, everything will be okay, you are still alive, well and breathing. Nothing lasts forever, not even heartache- unfortunately memories don’t fade that easily, but time heals.

Step 2: Accept

In order to move on, you need to accept what happened and accept that it is not meant to be. Don’t blame yourself and don’t blame them. The sooner you do that, the easier it will get.

“Don’t be sad because it’s over, smile because it happened”

Step 3: Let it go

Sure, I get it- easier said than done. But you need to realize as to why you no longer need to feel what you do. Because, well you just don’t. So just let it go. Things happen for a reason.

“In order to fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

Now spread those wings and fly.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

It makes you think, doesn’t it? If it doesn’t, then let it; because those words might just be what give you the courage to kick your fears in the face.

After I read that, I imagined myself doing all the things that I want to, but I cut fear completely out of the picture: I imagined myself presenting a show, in front of a massive audience, and there were photographers and I was dining and wining with famous successful and powerful women who wouldn’t let anyone stand in their way and who are making a difference in the world. I pictured myself living the ultimate dream of a successful women’s magazine editor, who had the privilege of going to exclusive parties and traveling the world, just because she could.

So, it’s clear, that one of my fears, or I shan’t really say fear, but I absolutely despise having to be prepared in front of a crowd. And not at all am I an introvert to use that as any cloaking method as to why I do not like to be in front of people. I love people, and I can talk in front/ with them at ease- but for some reason, as soon as I have to do a presentation for them, I cannot bear to be in front of them whatsoever- I reckon it’s mind over matter, and that expectations are being set and I am afraid that I won’t meet them, because I am afraid of disappointments- so thus, I do mind.

Point I am trying to make is, we all have fears, and how often do those fears stand in our way of actually achieving what we want or no, let me rephrase- what we can. We choose then rather to return to our comfort zone, to an environment and circumstances we know and are familiar with- but tell me, what greatness has ever come out of your living room, or bedroom, or bar, or just whatever you feel familiar with that hasn’t brought you anything but the same shit day after day? I reckon it is time that we (yes, including myself), do maybe one thing per day, that you normally wouldn’t do- take a risk. Even if it means starting small, by starting a conversation with the person you are crushing on or just sending out your CV to a company that could possibly be the first step on walking towards your goal. We never know what could happen, you could end up marrying that person and being the CEO of that company- the possibilities are endless and it’s time we realize that.

We should stop being afraid, fear is only an illusion. So for every time you face something you are afraid of, don’t imagine the people naked, because why do you want to imagine that, if you can imagine yourself fearless.

By tasi13 (Tasia Brummer)