I’ve been battling to write this post for nearly a week – why? It concentrates on selfishness, whereas I am normally one to frown upon that, because I encourage selflessness; to be kind, caring and to help other people. Until it happens when the tables are turned.
Recently I have been so focused on everyone around me, except myself. By keeping friends and family happy; trying to keep friendships together that I soon realized have long been broken.
Who is really to blame though? We cannot blame the other parties for watering their grass while you helped them to keep it green – of course they are going to be focused on their own grass rather than yours. I did some research and something stuck out to me; perhaps the reason (a part of being selfless) of helping and caring so much about people, it could be in any aspect of life: love, money, career, friendships etc; is because you haven’t achieved what you have yet yearned to achieve in your life, so you shift the focus onto other peoples’ lives, instead of your own? It makes sense, right? Perhaps that is what I was doing – I focused on everybody else so I didn’t have to worry about myself.
So, after taking a good look around, and you try to see what you have gained from it – what do you actually have to show for it? Yes, sure the act of kindness and love will forever be in your favour, because that is who you are.
Where do you draw the line between selfishness and selflessness? You have mastered the art of selflessness, only by adding selfishness, will you be able to distinguish a balance.
“Selfishness is being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others”
Perhaps in this matter, by putting yourself first it can mean in cases like:
Don’t feel obligated to go out partying with your friends:
If your friends invite you out and you have other tasks to focus on – you should not feel obligated to go out with them, but you should feel obligated to finish any necessary tasks so that you can start reaching your goals. Because let’s face it, by saying: “I will do it tomorrow”, you are not going to do it tomorrow – instead you are going to waste 90% of your day, dying of a hangover. I don’t know, this is just my experience talking. There will be plenty other nights you can go out with them again.
Cut the cords on some friendships:
Sometimes by holding on to friendships can be exhausting and waste a lot of time. Even if nothing necessarily bad happened in the friendship, life happens and people change. Chances are you both are two completely different people – cut the cord and let it go. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can use your energy to focus on your friends that are still there for you.
Learn to say no:
Sometimes the best way to establish what it is you want in life is to bluntly (but politely) say no. I revert back to point 1; if you don’t want to go out, because you are simply not in the mood, don’t. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone you kind of don’t like, but you feel bad, honey, don’t. You will save you both the trip and unnecessary emotions. If you don’t want to go out of your way for someone, because you just don’t feel like it, don’t. (We all get shitty days – so have your shitty day). Basically anything you feel uncomfortable with, you do not have to do. You have grown into a person with your own mind and voice – learn to use it, because truth is; everybody else does it, so you sure as hell can too.
Stop explaining yourself:
I decided to section this one off from the previous point – because when in the world did we have to start explaining ourselves? Why do we need to explain to people why we can’t give/lend them money, when it is your hard-earned cash you busted your butt off to get at the end of the month? (I am not referring to those in need) Why do we need to explain why we won’t be able to attend a certain event? Why do you need to explain yourself every time you say no? No one really gives a damn on your reason when you say yes?
Start to realize that you deserve to be better:
How can you be better, when you are going to be selfish? Here’s the thing, the world doesn’t care about your insecurities and strangely enough, no one else does either. So you need to focus on what goes on in your life and stop worrying what everybody else does.
Thus; by being selfish and starting to better yourself – you will have more courage and confidence in facing the world. You will know who you are and what it is you want. Sooner or later people will start looking over to your fence seeing your grass getting greener – or perhaps they won’t, but you wouldn’t care – ‘cause you got you, babe.
“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind, go find yourself, the world is yours.”
(Now; let me practice what I am preaching.)
Till next time, Tasia