Why It’s Time To Put Yourself First

I’ve been battling to write this post for nearly a week – why? It concentrates on selfishness, whereas I am normally one to frown upon that, because I encourage selflessness; to be kind, caring and to help other people. Until it happens when the tables are turned.

Recently I have been so focused on everyone around me, except myself. By keeping friends and family happy; trying to keep friendships together that I soon realized have long been broken.

Who is really to blame though? We cannot blame the other parties for watering their grass while you helped them to keep it green – of course they are going to be focused on their own grass rather than yours. I did some research and something stuck out to me; perhaps the reason (a part of being selfless) of helping and caring so much about people, it could be in any aspect of life: love, money, career, friendships etc; is because you haven’t achieved what you have yet yearned to achieve in your life, so you shift the focus onto other peoples’ lives, instead of your own? It makes sense, right? Perhaps that is what I was doing – I focused on everybody else so I didn’t have to worry about myself.

So, after taking a good look around, and you try to see what you have gained from it – what do you actually have to show for it? Yes, sure the act of kindness and love will forever be in your favour, because that is who you are.

Where do you draw the line between selfishness and selflessness? You have mastered the art of selflessness, only by adding selfishness, will you be able to distinguish a balance.

“Selfishness is being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others”

Perhaps in this matter, by putting yourself first it can mean in cases like:

Don’t feel obligated to go out partying with your friends:

If your friends invite you out and you have other tasks to focus on – you should not feel obligated to go out with them, but you should feel obligated to finish any necessary tasks so that you can start reaching your goals. Because let’s face it, by saying: “I will do it tomorrow”, you are not going to do it tomorrow – instead you are going to waste 90% of your day, dying of a hangover. I don’t know, this is just my experience talking. There will be plenty other nights you can go out with them again.

Cut the cords on some friendships:

Sometimes by holding on to friendships can be exhausting and waste a lot of time. Even if nothing necessarily bad happened in the friendship, life happens and people change. Chances are you both are two completely different people – cut the cord and let it go. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can use your energy to focus on your friends that are still there for you.

Learn to say no:

Sometimes the best way to establish what it is you want in life is to bluntly (but politely) say no. I revert back to point 1; if you don’t want to go out, because you are simply not in the mood, don’t. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone you kind of don’t like, but you feel bad, honey, don’t. You will save you both the trip and unnecessary emotions. If you don’t want to go out of your way for someone, because you just don’t feel like it, don’t. (We all get shitty days – so have your shitty day). Basically anything you feel uncomfortable with, you do not have to do. You have grown into a person with your own mind and voice – learn to use it, because truth is; everybody else does it, so you sure as hell can too.

Stop explaining yourself:

I decided to section this one off from the previous point – because when in the world did we have to start explaining ourselves? Why do we need to explain to people why we can’t give/lend them money, when it is your hard-earned cash you busted your butt off to get at the end of the month? (I am not referring to those in need) Why do we need to explain why we won’t be able to attend a certain event? Why do you need to explain yourself every time you say no? No one really gives a damn on your reason when you say yes?

Start to realize that you deserve to be better:

How can you be better, when you are going to be selfish? Here’s the thing, the world doesn’t care about your insecurities and strangely enough, no one else does either. So you need to focus on what goes on in your life and stop worrying what everybody else does.

Thus; by being selfish and starting to better yourself – you will have more courage and confidence in facing the world. You will know who you are and what it is you want. Sooner or later people will start looking over to your fence seeing your grass getting greener – or perhaps they won’t, but you wouldn’t care – ‘cause you got you, babe.

 

“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind, go find yourself, the world is yours.”

 

(Now; let me practice what I am preaching.)

Till next time, Tasia

xoxo

How to land the most beautiful woman in the world award

(Image credit: www.laineygossip.com)

Is it your devilishly great looks – you know, the perfectly pouted lips and bodacious curves; the daunting kissable lips, filled with collagen surprise–or is it that perfectly bleached Colgate smile? Ladies, I have just recently learnt that there is still some sort of natural beauty beliefs in this world and landing that envious award does not in fact mean we as woman have to look the part but in fact empower the part.

After researching a few topics to write about, I came across this huge debate of Jennifer Aniston and her 2nd time nomination of being the world’s most beautiful woman in People magazine’s opinion and found many to disagree with their choice. Seriously, I have admired Jennifer Aniston since the day I realised heartbreak was a thing and a night of unrealistic romance movies with a tub of ice cream and jar of peanut butter would fix that disaster right up. I shook my head in disbelief that feminists would pick out all her flaws to find reason as to why People Magazine may have made a mistake in choice, whilst others maintained a good debate as to why she was perfectly suited.

As quoted from The Federalist, by Carol Van Meter-McDougal “Jennifer Aniston is the most beautiful woman we could look like without losing ourselves” ; she goes on to explain that there are two types of ‘pretty’ in this world, “Guy-Pretty ” and “Girl-Pretty”, which in her observational humor, made perfectly good sense.

  • Guy-pretty women, are the kind of women whom men want to be with, and are therefore women who bear traits that men find exemplary in women, traits that are generally associated with sexuality—pouty lips, a curvy figure, and a general “come hither” look, or at least a look that doesn’t scream “I smell like cats.”
  • Girl-pretty women, on the other hand, are the kind of women that other women want to be like, and are therefore women bearing traits that we ladies find exemplary in ourselves, traits like a fit but not surgically enhanced body, eyes that say “confident but not arrogant,” and a general aura of “flirty but not skanky.”

I’m going to be honest and admit that the above mentioned is a little vague and judgemental; don’t get me wrong- I love big lips and busty curves, I mean Sofia Vergara would definitely be my 2nd idol as the most beautiful, but when its boiled down to whom would help woman of the world feel like they can relate and look up to these stars. I’d say that Jennifer Aniston definitely takes the “Cake” (no pun intended), she’s not only beautiful when it comes to her looks: such as her eyes, her sun kissed skin and perfectly maintained hair, which has most of us wishing she’d shave it off and share those iconic locks with us. She has the most inspiring way of presenting herself and her views which makes it comforting for us ‘Plain Janes’ to know that we don’t have to be surgically modified to be noticed.

Conclusion –if they had to nominate Sofia Vergara as the most beautiful woman of the world there would be an outcry from feminist all over because we just simply cannot be that perfect. Imagine the insecurities and pin pointers then?

Tip to achieving this award –be your own beautiful woman of your world. Be you’re your own inspiration and keep in mind that there are admirers everywhere.

Sincerely, Nicole

Queue the awkward silence – or don’t.

(Image Cred: WeHeartIt)

I don’t know if anyone has noticed – but are people still having real ‘getting to know each other conversations’?

I don’t know – sometimes when I meet people it is the most awkward thing (because I am an introvert and yes, I am one of the most awkward people you’ll ever meet). Every time it’s the same thing over and over and I think with that I have become so used to it- I know what the person is going to ask and quite frankly I don’t want to tell him/her for the millionth time about my job and whether I enjoy it or not – because quite frankly not everybody really cares.

It has become such a force of habit when meeting people, the first two questions are: ‘What’s your name’ and ‘What do you do for a living’, people have lost interest in really listening. They then switch on talking about themselves and as soon as there is no resonation either one of the two awkwardly walks away. (Yes that would be me awkwardly sipping on my drink as I walk away.)

Look, I am not saying everybody is like that – and I realize I might be at fault too. Why don’t I make more effort in the conversation? But really – what do you talk about when you’re stuck in a dead-end job and kind of feel like you’re not as interesting as you really are; no one is interested in that.

I decided to write this post and suggest ideas for topics and ways for a conversation to not be as dreadful. I did research on this don’t worry:

4 Ideas to Make a Conversation Not-So Dreadful:

Listen:

Listening is key to any form of communication you encounter. People have become so focused on what they are going to say next that they forget to listen. When you listen, your reply will come naturally and the conversation will flow easily.

Body Language:

It is important to note the body language of the person you are talking to. When you are talking about something and the other person looks uncomfortable, chances are, they are. So try and swiftly change the convo.

Ask meaningful questions:

I am not saying you must share your previous relationship details with the person you’ve just met, but ask questions that you are really interested in knowing. Previous experiences, music taste, interests, goals and dreams. Lately people have become more comfortable about talking about their previous relationships – so if the convo leads to that and you both feel comfortable enough on sharing, why the hell not?

Be Positive:

If you are friendly and have a positive vibe about you, people will more likely be able to approach and talk you.

Topics to talk about:

Here are a few topics to talk about, other than the weather:

Current events: What new movies, albums and books are being released? What band will be performing live? So you can learn whether you have equal interests.

Views/Religion: I suggest keep religion to a minimum as most discussions on that can become heated. Perhaps informing the other person about your religion and Vice Versa will be enough until time progresses. Views on the other hand are interesting features which make you unique. It’ll give a better understanding of each other, to each other.

Love: It might be a sensitive topic, but it is always interesting to find out if a person is a hopeless romantic or a cynic. The reasons behind each choice might be surprising.

Friends: Perhaps you have few mutual friends, which means you will probably meet up again soon.

I am sure when the conversation is flowing, everything will fall together. Remember to ask for a number to stay in touch.

Look, I am also not implying that if you are out in the club you must throw out all the deep shit. Let’s be honest, guys and girls are there to party, drink and have a good time; then you will get the 2% who are out looking for a suitable partner in the club. You don’t need these tips when you are intoxicated, the alcohol does the talking for you. (We’ve all been there). So, if you are like me, awkward and sort of an introvert – please don’t turn to alcohol for your better judgement. Thus the reason I wrote this post – so you can face the situation head-on.

You’ve got this. (I’ll try it too)

Love,
Tasia

 

It’s Official!

(Image Credit: WeHeartIt)

After a long time of talking, debating and deciding whether we should start a blog together- we have finally decided to take the leap; we officially decided to embark on this journey of blogging.

From Tasia:

Let’s be honest, having a blog isn’t easy; it isn’t easy to find the time to write, to find topics to write about, nor find the audience you are looking for. For those who know me, they know I have a passion for writing, social media and beauty; in this whirlwind called life, it is difficult to maintain your dreams while you have to survive adulthood. I started a blog a few years ago, posted every now and then when I found inspiration, but more often than not became less than likely for me to post. I then found my beautiful friend who also has big dreams, whom also gets stuck in reality like the majority of us dreamers do.

From Nicole:

After meeting my wonderlust friend, it dawned on me that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously- it should be enjoyed and embraced with everything that you have available to you . I started a blog called “Chasing Dandelions” which represented everything life and chasing dreams but sadly I got cold feet and terminated the account. For those of you who know me, know that I am a huge lover of fashion and outdoor wonders. I love the way one can express their individualism through what they wear and have the confidence in being that person and as for the outdoors, you’re never short of inspiration and pure fun.

From Us:

We are starting this blog with the goal of showing readers that you can be two different people, but chase the same dream. Obviously you can tell than our writing styles differ, which we think will bring a form of unique qualities to our blog.

There is still a lot of unfinished tasks to our blog, but we knew if we didn’t start is now, we probably might never have started. Slowly but surely we are going to improve the blog as time goes on. We just ask for your support throughout our journey, as that will mean a great deal to us.

We will keep you posted.

Love,

Nicole & Tasia xoxo

New Year, New Beginnings – Hello 2016!

I bet it might be a tad too late to post a New Year’s post, but I would like to share my thoughts in anyway.

Let me just get this straight- this isn’t a ‘New Year, New Me’ post.

I don’t know about you, but 2015 was by far the worst year I have had and I couldn’t wait to get it over and done with. It was kind of starting your new diet or exercise, but you had to wait to do it on Monday morning… Except this is a start of a new year, a start to a new journey. You know what I mean?

I am not really big on resolutions- they have become a very faint to me. Half of the people make resolutions for the new year, but struggle to pursue it and they don’t really care whether they do or not, because 90% of the people who do make resolutions don’t really follow through with it and everyone knows that; perhaps it is some form of closure for not accomplishing what they wanted to in the first place. (I know I am guilty for this in the past).

Then you get the other half who chooses (and I quote) to be “The same asshole they were on December 2015 11:59pm)”. Which is great-for them. (*thumbs up*)

I am not planning on creating a ‘new me’, but rather better version of me; to start being the person I want to be. I’ve learned that when I say what I want to do and -achieve, my actions tend to fail at showing it. So all I am going to say is, this is the year I am going to get sh*t done, but at my own pace.  Otherwise, my lips are sealed.

I want to encourage everyone to start doing little things every day that will benefit your future. Believe in the beauty of your dreams and have the courage to pursue it. Go at your own pace, focus on your own ball and remember to be kind; everyone is going through their own battles- if not the same as you are.

Be who you want to be, because somewhere deep inside of you, you already are that person. You just have to allow yourself to be it.

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back; a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” – Anaïs Nin

Stay inspired,

Tasia xo

A Dreamer Trapped In The Ordinary

You know in movies when the character stands still and the whole world is rushing passed and around him/her? Well, currently that is how I am feeling (I don’t know about anyone else). Time is moving faster than lightning and I cannot seem to keep up. It literally feels as if I have fallen off the face off earth; I guess this is why I haven’t been writing as much as I used to. I normally write about life experiences that happen around- and even to me. But, as of late, nothing really exhilarating has happened in my life that is worth writing about. I am a dreamer trapped in the life of the ordinary.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the ordinary life, people prefer life that way; I think I do too in a sense, it is a form of safety, comfort. But, at a certain point you lose your sense of wonder. Everyday after working my 8-5 job, on my way home, sitting in traffic and looking at everything going on around me; I observe all the people goin- no, rushing home. I look at them and wonder: “What do they really want to be?”, they all work really hard and you can see it- in their faces and bodies. They all rush to get home to their families to do their second job of the day. That is the lives people live. Regardless of the fact that I know that there is so much more to life, I know they know it too. Unfortunately, the ordinary life entails bills and other responsibilities which leads people to push their dreams and goals aside and focus on ‘what is important’. I have a quick question: is it possible to add your dreams and goals to your responsibility ‘pile’? It probably differs from person to person… but it gives you something to think about.

Life has become such a rush that we forget what is important in life- what we want in life and how short life really is. It is important that you do what you want to do in life, you have to make yourself proud. I know it is funny coming from a ‘dreamer that is trapped in the ordinary’, but that is why I am writing this; I am writing this to encourage anyone and everyone not to get caught in a place they do not want to be and feel they do not belong, because a person can get sucked in before a blink of an eye.

If you are like me, a dreamer- stuck. You are capable to go where you want to be. It is going to be tough and it is going it to be hard. But just know, there is someone else in this with you- and probably a million others.

Some parts of the world dreamers do not belong, if you find yourself not at home- leave.

Until next time,

Tasia
xo.

Be Inspired, by Yourself

BY TASIA BRUMMER

We often look for inspirations outside of our comfort-zones, which is of course where we should look and where we will find inspiration majority of the time. Mine for instance is, going outside in the evening, looking at the night sky with the moonlight and millions of stars among it and realizing how much more there is to life. But, it had me thinking, inspiration is everywhere to be found and we look in all the places except within ourselves.

Sure, you haven’t been as successful as you had hoped you will be in this certain time in your life, but you most definitely have achieved more than you think you did. Like the famous quote of “It is funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back a lot have changed”- surely does its purpose; it may seem like you aren’t getting anywhere, but take a step back and take a look at your life, the things you have achieved- no matter how small they are, like: living in your own apartment (that you are paying), having your own car (which you bought), finishing a course you started and even meeting new people- those are all achievements you have made along the way.

You had hoped to step into the life you had always imagined after school or college, but you aren’t there yet. These things take time, focus on what you want to accomplish and always keep in mind the things that you have accomplished, as those little accomplishments are the motivation and inspiration you can always look back on when inspiration is nowhere to be found.

One thing is for sure in life: nothing comes easy and some people are luckier just than other. But, don’t doubt yourself, you really do know more than you think you do.

The Rise of the Poets

The social media has been blowing up with aspiring authors and poets around the world these last few months and they keep on growing and evolving as time goes on. It is amazing to see how words can bring the community of writers and nonetheless the whole world together. Their work is absolutely pure, honest, realistic and optimistic at the same time and written in such sense that any person around the world can feel a relation with the writers work. The support is astonishing from everyone around the world towards these writers, I can see no other reason for the fact that they make you feel; no, they make you know, you belong.

I am sure you have come across a lot of images with quotes and sayings on it that you felt you relate so much to it that you saved it to your device and shared it on your social media platforms. Names like R.M Drake, Anita Krizzan, Jessica Katoff, J. Kenneth Banks, Michael Faudet, and Christopher Poindexter have been trending all around the world.

R.M Drake

R.M Drake who is located in Miami, has 718k followers on Instagram and continues to grow. He writes about everything in relation to life: love, freedom, chaos, pain and the art of letting go. Even celebrities like Khloe Kardashian reposts his images on her Instagram account. I bet if you go to the ‘Explore’ tab on Instagram now, you will see his work on your feed.

Anita Krizzan

Her work represents everything she loves about life. Her belief in the beauty of love between the man and woman, hope and her optimistic
view about life. Truly inspiring.

Jessica Katoff

When Jessica started posting her work on Instagram, she only had 9 followers; she has grown to a whopping 2k within only a few weeks. “I started writing these poems to bleed dry the pain of a love lost”, says Jessica in one of her posts to show gratitude towards her followers. The emotion of pain can clearly be felt when you read her poems, also, because we all have suffered a certain and the exact type of pain as Jessica has and that is why her work moves people the way it does.

J. Kenneth Banks

This Australian writer (and super adorable, I just had to throw that in), also a lover of life and love, a believer of the beauty in life’s little things and a true optimist-realist. Every Friday he has a competition called “Free Shit Fridays”, where he gives away a signed poem you shared, but obviously ‘terms and conditions’ apply. Give him a follow to see how to win.

Michael Faudet

He is the writer, poet and author of ‘Dirty Pretty Things’- There is only one quote from him that describes his work hands down: “Words are powerful things. They can break hearts and make panties wet.” You can expect a lot of that, his use of words is truly amazing!

Christopher Poindexter

His famous quote: “And in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness.” Which has possibly reposted more times than I could count, but is also a piece that describes his work. His use of words describing a woman’s- and his own feelings, the love of the moon and stars, also the pain and the art of letting go. He too, gives away signed copies of the poems you like. Follow him to see how you could win.

These poets, authors and writers’ work and writing style are all very diverse which is what makes them all unique. However, their love for writing and their belief in love, life and pain are things they all have in common. By that, they move the world as one community who relates to all of their work.

I highly recommend that you go and check them out, you will get another sense of seeing life as it is.

There are plenty of other poets out there that need support too. Just type in #poets or #poetsofinstagram on your ‘Search’ tab and well, enjoy!