Why It’s Time To Put Yourself First

I’ve been battling to write this post for nearly a week – why? It concentrates on selfishness, whereas I am normally one to frown upon that, because I encourage selflessness; to be kind, caring and to help other people. Until it happens when the tables are turned.

Recently I have been so focused on everyone around me, except myself. By keeping friends and family happy; trying to keep friendships together that I soon realized have long been broken.

Who is really to blame though? We cannot blame the other parties for watering their grass while you helped them to keep it green – of course they are going to be focused on their own grass rather than yours. I did some research and something stuck out to me; perhaps the reason (a part of being selfless) of helping and caring so much about people, it could be in any aspect of life: love, money, career, friendships etc; is because you haven’t achieved what you have yet yearned to achieve in your life, so you shift the focus onto other peoples’ lives, instead of your own? It makes sense, right? Perhaps that is what I was doing – I focused on everybody else so I didn’t have to worry about myself.

So, after taking a good look around, and you try to see what you have gained from it – what do you actually have to show for it? Yes, sure the act of kindness and love will forever be in your favour, because that is who you are.

Where do you draw the line between selfishness and selflessness? You have mastered the art of selflessness, only by adding selfishness, will you be able to distinguish a balance.

“Selfishness is being concerned, sometimes excessively or exclusively, for oneself or one’s own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others”

Perhaps in this matter, by putting yourself first it can mean in cases like:

Don’t feel obligated to go out partying with your friends:

If your friends invite you out and you have other tasks to focus on – you should not feel obligated to go out with them, but you should feel obligated to finish any necessary tasks so that you can start reaching your goals. Because let’s face it, by saying: “I will do it tomorrow”, you are not going to do it tomorrow – instead you are going to waste 90% of your day, dying of a hangover. I don’t know, this is just my experience talking. There will be plenty other nights you can go out with them again.

Cut the cords on some friendships:

Sometimes by holding on to friendships can be exhausting and waste a lot of time. Even if nothing necessarily bad happened in the friendship, life happens and people change. Chances are you both are two completely different people – cut the cord and let it go. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can use your energy to focus on your friends that are still there for you.

Learn to say no:

Sometimes the best way to establish what it is you want in life is to bluntly (but politely) say no. I revert back to point 1; if you don’t want to go out, because you are simply not in the mood, don’t. If you don’t want to go on a date with someone you kind of don’t like, but you feel bad, honey, don’t. You will save you both the trip and unnecessary emotions. If you don’t want to go out of your way for someone, because you just don’t feel like it, don’t. (We all get shitty days – so have your shitty day). Basically anything you feel uncomfortable with, you do not have to do. You have grown into a person with your own mind and voice – learn to use it, because truth is; everybody else does it, so you sure as hell can too.

Stop explaining yourself:

I decided to section this one off from the previous point – because when in the world did we have to start explaining ourselves? Why do we need to explain to people why we can’t give/lend them money, when it is your hard-earned cash you busted your butt off to get at the end of the month? (I am not referring to those in need) Why do we need to explain why we won’t be able to attend a certain event? Why do you need to explain yourself every time you say no? No one really gives a damn on your reason when you say yes?

Start to realize that you deserve to be better:

How can you be better, when you are going to be selfish? Here’s the thing, the world doesn’t care about your insecurities and strangely enough, no one else does either. So you need to focus on what goes on in your life and stop worrying what everybody else does.

Thus; by being selfish and starting to better yourself – you will have more courage and confidence in facing the world. You will know who you are and what it is you want. Sooner or later people will start looking over to your fence seeing your grass getting greener – or perhaps they won’t, but you wouldn’t care – ‘cause you got you, babe.

 

“Note to self: Nobody is worth stressing over. Like move on, leave people behind, go find yourself, the world is yours.”

 

(Now; let me practice what I am preaching.)

Till next time, Tasia

xoxo

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How to land the most beautiful woman in the world award

(Image credit: www.laineygossip.com)

Is it your devilishly great looks – you know, the perfectly pouted lips and bodacious curves; the daunting kissable lips, filled with collagen surprise–or is it that perfectly bleached Colgate smile? Ladies, I have just recently learnt that there is still some sort of natural beauty beliefs in this world and landing that envious award does not in fact mean we as woman have to look the part but in fact empower the part.

After researching a few topics to write about, I came across this huge debate of Jennifer Aniston and her 2nd time nomination of being the world’s most beautiful woman in People magazine’s opinion and found many to disagree with their choice. Seriously, I have admired Jennifer Aniston since the day I realised heartbreak was a thing and a night of unrealistic romance movies with a tub of ice cream and jar of peanut butter would fix that disaster right up. I shook my head in disbelief that feminists would pick out all her flaws to find reason as to why People Magazine may have made a mistake in choice, whilst others maintained a good debate as to why she was perfectly suited.

As quoted from The Federalist, by Carol Van Meter-McDougal “Jennifer Aniston is the most beautiful woman we could look like without losing ourselves” ; she goes on to explain that there are two types of ‘pretty’ in this world, “Guy-Pretty ” and “Girl-Pretty”, which in her observational humor, made perfectly good sense.

  • Guy-pretty women, are the kind of women whom men want to be with, and are therefore women who bear traits that men find exemplary in women, traits that are generally associated with sexuality—pouty lips, a curvy figure, and a general “come hither” look, or at least a look that doesn’t scream “I smell like cats.”
  • Girl-pretty women, on the other hand, are the kind of women that other women want to be like, and are therefore women bearing traits that we ladies find exemplary in ourselves, traits like a fit but not surgically enhanced body, eyes that say “confident but not arrogant,” and a general aura of “flirty but not skanky.”

I’m going to be honest and admit that the above mentioned is a little vague and judgemental; don’t get me wrong- I love big lips and busty curves, I mean Sofia Vergara would definitely be my 2nd idol as the most beautiful, but when its boiled down to whom would help woman of the world feel like they can relate and look up to these stars. I’d say that Jennifer Aniston definitely takes the “Cake” (no pun intended), she’s not only beautiful when it comes to her looks: such as her eyes, her sun kissed skin and perfectly maintained hair, which has most of us wishing she’d shave it off and share those iconic locks with us. She has the most inspiring way of presenting herself and her views which makes it comforting for us ‘Plain Janes’ to know that we don’t have to be surgically modified to be noticed.

Conclusion –if they had to nominate Sofia Vergara as the most beautiful woman of the world there would be an outcry from feminist all over because we just simply cannot be that perfect. Imagine the insecurities and pin pointers then?

Tip to achieving this award –be your own beautiful woman of your world. Be you’re your own inspiration and keep in mind that there are admirers everywhere.

Sincerely, Nicole